Ghostbusters September 30, 1983 Draft

The Ghostbusters September 30, 1983 Draft is a collaborative draft of Ghostbusters by Harold Ramis and Dan Aykroyd.

Overview[]

The September 30, 1983 draft evolved further into the final movie version - Peter Venkman conducts the ESP test, Roger Delacorte appears, Peter, Egon Spengler, and Ray Stantz were kicked out of Columbia University, the cutaway to the three mortgages line, the car is now a 1959 Cadillac, the apartment is now on Central Park West, Louis Tully is now a nerdy accountant, Dana is interviewed by all three, Peter is slimed, and Winston Zeddemore is hired after the Sedgewick Hotel bust and the business takes off, Egon uses The Twinkie metaphor, and Louis is chased to Tavern on the Green by Vinz Clortho after it disrupts Louis's party. The Fort Detmerring case is in the draft. Some elements from the previous draft still persist like Winston conjuring the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man but the ending is closer to the movie in that the Ghostbusters Cross the Streams on the Temple of Gozer then head outside and drive off in Ecto-1 to crowd cheers.

Differences and Similarities[]

On page 2, the college is now set as Columbia University.
On page 3, Peter conducts an ESP test with two volunteers, a male and female student, and is described an associate professor.
On page 8, Ray and Peter arrive at the New York City Public Library in a taxi then trot up the stairs. When Peter questions what he has seen so far, Ray reminds him of the unexplained high-altitude rockfall.
- In the movie, the scene starts with Peter and Ray trotting up the stairs. Ray tells him about the Mass Sponge Migration instead of the rockfall.
On page 9, Roger Delacorte appears for the first time. Egon's first scene is of taking the Librarian's blood pressure. He tells Peter what they have is very big.
- In the movie, Egon is on the floor on the Reading Room. After Peter slams a book to get his attention, he tells Peter what they have is very big. Egon isn't present when the Librarian is interviewed.
On page 10, the shelving unit almost falls on them as soon as they come down the stairs.
- In the movie, they investigate the card catalog first then the shelving unit almost falls on them.
On page 13, they confer outside the library after the Library ghost yells "Quiet!" and Egon looks at his mini-computer readout, observing the ghost was stripping ions. Delacorte comes outside and asks them what to do. He asks if he should call the police but Ray doesn't think they could handle it. Peter tells him they'll get back to him.
- In the movie, they keep running and shout to Delacorte they will get back to him.
On page 15, after Egon patches his mini-computer into a pay phone to connect to Bell Labs computer in Boston, he confirms they can catch and hold a ghost indefinitely.
- In the movie, Egon confirms this on Columbia campus without use of a phone.
On page 16, the Nobel prize discussion takes place, the workman scrapping their names off, and Dean Yeager firing them.
- The Nobel prize and workman bits end up in the Ghostbusters (Deleted Scene): Nobel Prize Aspirations and in the movie cuts to the firing with Dean Yeager in the lab.
On page 20, they exit Irving Trust and Peter assures Ray everyone has three mortgages. Egon tells Ray the interest payments for the first five years will be $75,000.
- This is the first draft where the meeting with the loan officer is omitted. In the movie, the amount increases to $95,000.
On page 20-21, they go over the firehouse as in the previous draft.
On page 21, the Cadillac is now listed as a very long, gold 1959 Cadillac ambulance that cost $1400. Ray lists off what needs to be fixed.
- In the previous two drafts, it was a 1975. In the movie, the 1959 starts off black and cost $4800.
On page 22, Janine talks about her hobbies then asks him if he has one. Egon comments he thinks molds, spores, and fungus are the food of the future and Janine makes it a note never to eat lunch with him.
- In the previous draft, the hobbies bit was much later in the movie. In the movie, it ends on Egon revealing what his hobby is.
On page 23, Janine is skeptical of their Yellow Pages ad.
On page 23-25, the Proton Park Mark I test from previous drafts remains.
On page 25, the apartment building is now at 78th and Central Park West. Dana walks to the apartment with her groceries and cello case. She goes up to the 35th floor, and Louis is now introduced as a "shy nerd." Their conversation is in line what the movie but the egg scene is the same as the previous draft.
On page 30-32, the next scene skips to Dana being interviewed by Peter, Ray, and Egon much like in the movie but with an added line from Janine saying her uncle once saw St. Jerome on the subway but he got off at 59th Street to which Dana laughs at then admits she doesn't believe in anything they mentioned. Egon notes she is a Scorpio with her moon in Leo and Aquarius rising.
- In the movie, the St. Jerome bit is modified and mentioned by Alice the Librarian.
On page 34-36, the investigation of Dana's apartment by Peter starts to look like as it was in movie with lines like the bedroom gag and Dana thinking Peter saw the same terrible thing in her refrigerator but still retains pieces of the last drafts like him offering to stay the night then an added scene of Peter walking past Louis. Louis sees his newspaper on the floor and reaches for it but gets locked out.
On page 37-39, the honeymooners scene is kept in from past drafts.
On page 40, Janine gets the call from the Sedgewick much like the movie but the guys suit up then take the pole downstairs and leave.
On page 42, the blue jumpsuits and entrance into the hotel are preserved from past drafts.
On page 42-43, the conversation with the man and the elevator and the elevator discussion are very close to the movie. Upon exiting, they almost blast a bellboy.^[1]
- In the movie, they almost blast a Chambermaid.
On pages 44-59, the investigation is like previous drafts but without Winston and new sequences where Ray now is the one who finds the vapor first, and Peter grumbles to himself he works for a company called the Ghostbusters, and a longer walkie-talkie conversation between Peter and Ray than is seen in the movie. Peter is slimed then they trap Slimer in a banquet room much like in the movie except Egon handles the trap. The Hotel manager waits in outside nervously. Ray now says the line saying it wasn't such a chore and Peter looks at him askance then speaks the baseball bat line Winston had in the previous drafts. The conversation with the manager is mostly like in the movie then the scene with the reporters, the song, and the punk with the Superman question are essentially kept from the previous draft.
- In the movie, Egon looks at Ray askance.
On page 60-65, the montage busts now start off with busing a phantom bat boy in Yankee Stadium then Bryant Gumble, Roy Brady, and the New York Health and Racquet Club from the previous draft. Another new bust is them catching a punk poltergeist at the Mud Club nightclub followed by the Diana Sawyer and Larry King bits from the previous drafts. But now in the latter, Dana is listening. She gets a call from Peter and she convinces him to share what information he's gotten on her case. It is still from the Roylance Guide like the previous draft but the information is what's shared at the Lincoln Center in the movie. The others are busy with the Chinatown bust.
- In the movie, Dana listens to Casey Kasem and only the tail end of the Chinatown bust is shown. Peter tells Dana about the new info at the Lincoln Center.
- When Egon takes Louis's wallet from Janine, left of Egon's right shoulder are several articles on the wall. Above the red clipping is one with the headline, "Spook Squashed at Racquet Club."
- At around the 1:01:34, as Janine begins to make coffee, there is a smaller clipping at the bottom of the wall under the red clipping that reads, "Ghost Stoppers Pinch Punk Poltergeist." At around the 1:02:09 mark when Egon goes to answer the phone, directly above the lamp on the wall is another clipping of the bust titled "Ghost Busters Pinch Punk Poltergeist" like one that appeared earlier in the movie.
On page 65-66, Winston is interviewed for the job by Janine much like in the movie.
On page 67, Janine introduces Winston to Peter and Ray much like in the movie, Janine tells Peter about the EPA, and Ray goes over Winston's credentials: Electronic countermeasures, Strategic Air Command, black belt in Karate, and Small arms expert.
- In the previous draft, Winston did five years with the U.S. Air Force Air Police, mustered out as Captain assigned to administer perimeter security at Reese Strategic Air Command Base where he designed electronic barrier systems for Sentry Alarms and ended up as V.P. Tactics and Training at their Pacific Headquarters until the offices closed. He has a fifteenth degree black belt in Wing Chun boxing and a qualified, award-winning weapons handler.
- In the movie, none of Winston's credentials are talked about.
On page 69-71, Peter and Walter Peck's scene is now much like in the movie. It ends with Peter telling him to go save a tree.
On page 71-72, Egon and Ray show Winston how to deposit a ghost into the storage facility. Egon states he needs sleep. The Twinkie sequence seen in the movie appears for the first time in the drafts. Peter comments that's a big Twinkie. Peter can't bring himself to use the video monitor to look in the unit.
- In the movie, only Ray shows Winston how to deposit the ghost. Ray states he needs sleep right after Winston's interview. Winston comments that's a big Twinkie.
On page 73-75, the sequence of Louis telling Dana about his classic party appears and closely resembles the movie. Dana being taken comes next.
On pages 76-77, Louis' party begins to resemble what is in the movie. The Tall Woman at Party asks about Excedrin or Tylenol, Louis talks about the Nova Scotia salmon and brie. A woman stands up and suggest to Louis they should dance to get others to only for Ted and Annette Fleming to arrive.
- In the movie, the Tall Woman decides to leave but Louis convinces her to stay and dance. Woman at Party asks about Excedrin or Tylenol.
On pages 77-78, Vinz Clortho disrupts the party and chases Louis like in the movie.
On page 79, the two Bums appear talking about the hypothetical fight, again like in the Ghostbusters (Deleted Scene): Bums.
On pages 79-81, the Tavern on the Green scene appears much like in the movie. It is followed by the Columbus Circle scene with a few differences from the movie like Louis/Vinz asking the Coachman if he's the Gatekeeper and the Coachman sarcastically answering he is the Governor of New Jersey.
- In the movie, Louis only thinks the horse is the Gatekeeper.
On pages 81-82, Louis asks a store front mannequin on Seventh Avenue if it's the Gatekeeper then a hooker tries to play along to get a gig. Mounted police move in to pull Louis off her.
On pages 82-83, Peter's arrival for the date is like in the movie but with a few differences like Peter telling her about the commotion downstairs and he slides into the room before she's closes the door the first time.
On pages 84-86, Peter and Dana/Zuul is like in the movie with Peter noting it seems crowded already, Peter asking for Dana, and Dana/Zuul levitating above the bed.
On pages 86-87, Ray and Winston's end of the world talk in Ecto-1 is a lot like in the movie but bits from previous drafts like both liking Jesus' style still remains.
On page 88, the Fort Detmerring bust starts.
On page 89, Egon agrees to take Louis/Vinz from the Police Sergeant just by the strange glow in his eyes. Janine and Egon interview him in the basement. Egon introduces himself as "Creature of Earth, Doctor of Physics, Graduate of M.I.T." followed by Janine's line, "According to this his name is Louis Tully." like in the movie.
On page 90, Janine offers Louis/Vinz coffee, followed by the "Yes, have some" gag, and he tells them about Gozer's past forms, then Egon gets a call from Peter just like in the movie.
On page 91, Peter concludes it isn't a good idea to get Dana and Louis together, Egon agrees.
- In the movie, Egon states it isn't a good idea and Peter agrees.
On page 92, Janine tells Egon about her premonition of his death like in the movie then Egon's response of them being like two bacteria on a rotting peck of dust from the previous draft is kept in.
On page 93, Egon awkwardly responds to Janine's hug and notes she has nice clavicles. Then Fort Detmerring continues to page 94.
- The nice clavicles line was filmed and found in recovered dailies from a Kansas mine containing alternate takes and discarded material.^[2]
On pages 95-99, the shut down of the grid is much like the previous draft but with the Police Captain now in place of the County Sheriff. Janine now has her line it's a sign they're going out of business like in the movie.
On page 100-106, Egon takes questions about the ecto material until Peter asks where the Keymaster is, they get arrested, and the second montage happens like in the previous draft essentially unchanged.
On pages 107-109, the holding cell scene starts to look like what happens in the movie. The conversation with "The Hook" in the previous draft is omitted. Egon now cites from Tobin's Spirit Guide and Winston has his moldy Babylonian god line then Egon's correction like in the movie. Then the Jail Guard comes to get them out to see the Mayor.
On pages 109-113, the City Hall meeting is slightly tweaked from the previous draft but still starting to resemble what is seen in the movie.
On pages 113-116, Zuul and Vinz meeting and the loading bay are kept essentially as is from the previous draft but there is now the sequence with Janine giving Egon her lucky coin that is seen in the Ghostbusters (Deleted Scene): Busy.
On page 115, Dana's apartment was destroyed by Zuul and Vinz' consummation.^[3]
- In the previous draft, as Louis/Vinz steps inside the apartment, an internal force blows through the apartment.
- In the movie, the apartment was destroyed by an explosion after the streams of ghosts veer up to the Temple of Gozer past Dana/Zuul at the balcony doors.
On pages 118-119, the arrival at the apartment is slightly tweaked from the previous draft. They don't fight a gust of hot wind or try to take the elevator.
On pages 120-126, the confrontation with Gozer is essentially kept as is from the previous draft. The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man now appears at Columbus Circle.
On page 131, Peter can't believe they're going to be killed by a hundred foot marshmallow man.
- In the previous draft, it was a three hundred foot marshmallow man.
On page 132, Egon now suggest crossing the beams on the temple. In the previous draft, they tried it on Stay Puft.
On page 133, Dana notes the wreckage and says next time she wants to break a lease she'll know who to call. Louis bets he could write off all damage as an Act of God.
The ending with the bums examining the residue and the Ghostbusters driving off to cheers from the previous draft is kept as is essentially.

Trivia[]

On the bottom left side of Cover B of Ghostbusters Year One Issue #1, there is a Second Dan Black Belt in Karate. From the September 30, 1983 draft to the final shooting script for Ghostbusters and on page 136 of Ghostbusters: The Supernatural Spectacular, Winston's resume listed him as a black belt in karate.
On Cover B of Ghostbusters Year One Issue #2, under the P.K.E. Meter is a passage "from a vantage...Librarian as the –" which is from the start of the August 5, 1983, September 30, 1983, and October 7, 1983 drafts of the first movie. The full passage is, "A single eerie musical note signals the presence of something strange looking down on the Librarian from a vantage point high above the room. It follows the Librarian as she pushes her cart around the corner."

External Links[]

The entire 137 page September 30, 1983 draft can be read at Spook Central in the Ghostbusters script section.

References[]

↑ Shay, Don (November 1985). Making Ghostbusters, p. 71 annotation. New York Zoetrope, New York NY USA, ISBN 0590336843. Paragraph reads: "When cast, the Ghostbusters' first near-victim became a chambermaid rather than a bellboy."
↑ Slash Film YouTube "Lost Ghostbusters Footage Revealed by Jason Reitman and Ivan Reitman at Ghostbusters Fan Fest" 6/9/19
↑ Shay, Don (November 1985). Making Ghostbusters, p. 160 annotation. New York Zoetrope, New York NY USA, ISBN 0918432685. Joe Medjuck says: "In the film, the apartment is already demolished when Louis arrives. But in the script, it is the force of Zuul the Gatekeeper and Vinz the Keymaster consummating their passion that blows the place apart. That was their purpose in coming together - make love. And then, on a second level, there's the comic irony that under his bizarre set of circumstances - which neither of them will remember - Louis finally gets to make it with Dana."

Gallery[]

Comics[]

[1] Shay, Don (November 1985). Making Ghostbusters, p. 71 annotation. New York Zoetrope, New York NY USA, ISBN 0590336843. Paragraph reads: "When cast, the Ghostbusters' first near-victim became a chambermaid rather than a bellboy."

[2] Slash Film YouTube "Lost Ghostbusters Footage Revealed by Jason Reitman and Ivan Reitman at Ghostbusters Fan Fest" 6/9/19

[3] Shay, Don (November 1985). Making Ghostbusters, p. 160 annotation. New York Zoetrope, New York NY USA, ISBN 0918432685. Joe Medjuck says: "In the film, the apartment is already demolished when Louis arrives. But in the script, it is the force of Zuul the Gatekeeper and Vinz the Keymaster consummating their passion that blows the place apart. That was their purpose in coming together - make love. And then, on a second level, there's the comic irony that under his bizarre set of circumstances - which neither of them will remember - Louis finally gets to make it with Dana."

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